Four Signs You're Engaging in Toxic Positivity Without Knowing It

Toxic positivity refers to a mindset which overemphasizes positivity to the exclusion of the more complex and challenging realities of life. This approach can be harmful as it leaves little room for you to be honest with yourself about the negative emotions you are experiencing. Everyone experiences negative emotions, and success in mental health does not mean eliminating these emotions, but learning to live with and acknowledge negativity when it comes up. Further, by only looking on the bright side of life, you might miss important signs that there are aspects of your life that need to change or be altered.

The Significance of Emotional Balance

All emotions are valid, especially those we might label as negative such as despair, grief, or resentment. Making space for those emotions and finding a way to confront or be with them is crucial to our mental well-being. Disregarding or suppressing these emotions can lead to a false sense of emotional health and might build an internal emotional pressure that has to come out one way or another. Here are four signs you may be engaging in toxic positivity without even realizing it.

1. Dismissing Negative Emotions

If you often find yourself brushing off or downplaying negative emotions, you could be falling into the trap of toxic positivity. This behavior manifests in various ways. For some, it involves a deliberate focus away from negative emotions, as if ignoring them makes them non-existent—a kind of "always look on the bright side" mentality. Others might rationalize away their feelings through philosophical or spiritual means, engaging in what's known as "Spiritual Bypassing." This approach misuses spiritual principles like "Vibrate at the frequency you wish to manifest" or "What you focus on becomes your reality," often misunderstanding their true implications. While it's true that an obsessive focus on negativity can be damaging—as seen in cases of persistent negative self-talk—simply ignoring the challenging aspects of your life is not a path to emotional well-being either. Ultimately, a balanced approach that acknowledges both the positive and the challenging elements of life is essential for maintaining a healthy emotional state.

2. Using Platitudes or Humor to Deflect

Have you ever met someone who laughs every time something uncomfortable gets brought up? Or maybe you are that person? Humor has its place in life, and especially darker humor can be a therapeutic outlet for some people struggling with depression. However if jokes about mental health deflect from real and honest negative emotions, they can get in the way of an honest and important acknowledgment and attention on those emotions. Similarly, relying on platitudes like "it could always be worse" or "good vibes only" can shift focus away from the negative emotions you should be addressing. Too much reliance on humor or platitudes as a defense mechanism leaves little room to confront and deal with the potentially painful realities of life.

3. Discomfort with Emotional Expression

If you find yourself deeply uncomfortable or even feeling "skin-crawling" sensations when someone close to you is visibly emotional or crying, this may be a sign of your discomfort with your own negative emotions, and could be a sign of toxic positivity. Of course emotions can be uncomfortable, whether they are your own or those of someone else. However if you notice a strong aversion to witnessing emotional displays like crying, or find that you are actively avoiding scenarios where emotional expression is likely, this could be indicative of a deeper issue with being emotionally present with negative or uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes it can seem easier to just avoid emotions altogether, whether those emotions are your own or belong to someone else. This avoidance can come back to haunt you in the form of unprocessed emotions or trauma, and is a sign of toxic positivity.

4. Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Navigating relationships can be difficult, whether they be romantic, platonic, familial, or professional, and they often involve confronting difficult issues and conversations. If you find yourself consistently avoiding these critical discussions due to discomfort or a fear of acknowledging negative aspects within yourself or the relationship, this evasion could be indicative of toxic positivity. A focus on solely the positive aspects of life can spill over into your relationships, leading to an avoidance of necessary confrontations and challenging dialogues. This not only stifles emotional growth but can also perpetuate unresolved issues in your relationships.

In Conclusion

Ignoring or suppressing negative emotions often leads to their resurgence later on, often with increased intensity. Achieving overall mental well-being requires a balanced approach, one that engages with both the positive and the challenging aspects of life. If you're struggling to achieve this balance, therapy can be a great space to unpack your negative feelings if you aren't sure how to or are feeling overwhelmed with facing them alone.

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Pacific psychotherapy offers depression therapy, trauma therapy, couples therapy, drug and alcohol counseling and more in Santa Cruz. Reach out today for a free consultation if you have any questions.