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Are you and your partner struggling to connect?
Are you finding it hard to communicate and truly hear one another?
Are your arguments escalating and becoming unproductive?
Are you stuck in the same cycles and can’t seem to break free of them?
Are you and your partner feeling distant or disconnected?
Your relationship might have brought you some of the best moments of your life, but it can also be a source of profound pain. It’s heartbreaking to realize that a relationship that once felt collaborative and fulfilling may now feel dominated by arguments, criticism, and distance. When the initial honeymoon period ends, the real work of maintaining a long-term relationship begins—often bringing up doubts, fears, and frustrations.
When communication breaks down, it can feel like nothing is going right. Small disagreements can quickly spiral into recurring arguments, leaving you feeling unheard and disconnected. You might even wonder during a fight, “What are we really arguing about?” or look at your partner afterward and think, “Is this the same person I fell in love with?”
Acknowledging that your relationship needs work can be painful but is the first step toward change. Hitting these roadblocks doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. With effort and meaningful exploration, you can understand what’s going wrong and find ways to make things right again.
“Lack of communication can drive a spike between two people wider than any physical distance”
- Mark W Boyer
Relationships Are Hard
Every relationship has its ups and downs. The idealized “happily ever after” story doesn’t capture the reality of what it means to live, grow, and love with another person. When things aren’t going well, it’s easy to feel like something is fundamentally wrong with your relationship. The truth is, every relationship faces challenges, and working through them can lead to growth and deeper connection.
At times, the difficulties may feel overwhelming. It’s not uncommon for couples to question whether their relationship can survive. These feelings can stem from a variety of sources, such as unmet expectations, unresolved past conflicts, or simply the stress of daily life. Facing these challenges head-on can lead to greater intimacy and understanding.
Many couples experience communication breakdowns at some point in their relationship. When both partners feel unheard and disconnected, it can lead to a variety of issues, including:
Jealousy
Anger and escalating arguments
Avoidant behavior
Insecurity
Overwhelm and anxiety
Problems with intimacy
Infidelity
Couples therapy can help you heal your relationship
Talking to a compassionate and skilled couples therapist can help you navigate the tough times in your relationship. Together, we will explore what’s really going on beneath the surface. Each of you will have a chance to be heard and understood, and I’ll guide you in developing new, healthier ways of communicating and relating to one another. Spending the time devoted to working on your relationship can do wonders to deepen and strengthen your bond to your partner.
Investing time and energy into your relationship can strengthen your bond and reignite the connection you once shared. Therapy provides an opportunity to step away from the day-to-day frustrations and focus on what really matters in your relationship.
Many relationship struggles stem from a breakdown in communication. When you and your partner can’t communicate effectively with each other its very hard for anything to feel like its going right. I use a variety of evidence based approaches, including Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), to help you express your needs and emotions productively. This process allows you to better understand each other and feel more connected. Once communication improves, you’ll have the tools to navigate challenges with greater confidence and mutual understanding.
You may find yourselves arguing about the same things repeatedly. Often, recurring conflicts are tied to core emotional needs that each partner is trying to express. These needs are often unspoken or misunderstood, leading to frustration and disconnection. In couples counseling, we’ll identify these underlying needs and develop healthier, more productive ways to communicate them to your partner.
The Process of Couples Therapy
Couples therapy often follows three stages:
Identifying Patterns: We’ll examine the repetitive dynamics in your relationship that lead to conflict.
Exploring Underlying Needs: We’ll uncover the emotions and unmet needs fueling these patterns.
Building New Skills: You’ll learn effective ways to communicate and connect, creating new patterns of closeness and understanding.
While these steps may sound simple, the work is often challenging. Couples therapy can be a difficult process but it can also open the door to transformation in your relationship. As your couples therapist, I’ll guide you through this process with grounded compassion, helping you navigate emotional triggers, identify feelings, and communicate more effectively.
Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all process. Every couple is unique, and I tailor my approach to meet your specific needs and goals. Whether your focus is rebuilding trust, improving intimacy, or simply learning to communicate more effectively, I’m here to support you and your partner in reaching your goals.
"A successful relationship requires falling in love multiple times, but always with the same person"
- Mignon McLaughlin
Addressing common concerns
“I’m afraid talking to a couples therapist will bring up more conflict”
As your therapist, I’ll help manage conflicts as they arise, ensuring the process remains constructive and supportive. Couples therapy provides a structured, supportive environment where difficult issues can be discussed constructively and attended to, ensuring conflicts don’t spiral into unhelpful arguments. Addressing problems openly and safely can prevent them from building up and causing even greater strain.
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but it doesn’t have to be destructive. In therapy, we’ll explore how to manage disagreements in ways that foster understanding and connection.
“What if my spouse doesn’t want to come to marriage counseling?”
I offer free, no-pressure consultation calls to help both partners feel comfortable and explore whether therapy feels like a good fit. During this call, I can address any concerns your partner might have about the process. Couples therapy doesn’t have to be intimidating, and my goal is to support both of you in whatever ways you need.
Sometimes, starting the conversation about therapy can be the hardest part. I’m here to help make that first step easier.
“Will you take sides?”
A good couples therapist remains neutral and ensures both partners feel heard. My role isn’t to determine who’s right or wrong but to facilitate honest, respectful communication. I strive to create a fair, supportive environment where both of you can express your perspectives and work toward mutual understanding.
Therapy is about finding common ground and building a stronger foundation for your relationship. My goal is to help both partners feel valued and understood throughout the process.
Your relationship can thrive again
I offer compassionate, effective couples therapy in Santa Cruz and online throughout California. Reach out today to schedule a free, no obligation 15-minute consultation call. I’ll answer your questions and help you decide if therapy is the right fit. We can set up an initial appointment after that if it feels like a good fit.
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