How to choose between couples therapy and individual therapy

If you are searching for a therapist to try to improve your life, sometimes it can be hard to tell what form of therapy is right for you. Every situation is so unique, and there is no one size fits all, but there are some things to consider when trying to choose between couples and individual therapy for yourself. In this blog I will outline the basics of what to expect in couples therapy vs individual therapy and some important considerations to keep in mind when making this decision.

Couples therapy

Couples therapy is an exploration of your relationship. Fundamentally couples therapy is about the interaction of you and your partner, and engaging in couples therapy can help you with issues like communication problems, intimacy issues, and general lack of connection. In couples therapy the focus will be on how the two of you interact, and on the issues you two face when you are together.

In the course of couples therapy there will most likely be some exploration into each of you as individuals. This can either look like taking a session to focus more on one partner or the other, or sometimes you can each do an individual session with your therapist to explore more into your individual patterns and how they might affect the relationship. Ultimately though, the focus of couples therapy is on the relationship, and any individual issues are explored through the lens of how they affect your connection with your partner.

Individual therapy

Individual therapy, on the other hand, is an exploration into your personal life and emotions. This may or may not affect how you relate to those around you and your significant other, but the ultimate focus of individual therapy is your own mental health and wellbeing. Sometimes in individual therapy you might talk a lot about your relationship, and explore issues like communication and intimacy, but the main goal is to explore how you, as an individual, navigate your own personal life and issues. Individual therapy is confidential and private, and will never involve other people in the treatment. This is intentionally done to create a safe space for you to be able to share anything without the concern of what other people might find out.

Which one is right for you?

Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether an issue in your life or relationship is more suited for couples therapy or individual therapy. If your relationship is suffering, maybe there are things in your or your partner’s personal life that are causing problems, and it might be hard to determine whether to focus on the individual or on the relationship.

When couples therapy might be right for you:

If you and your partner are having trouble communicating effectively

Communication problems are a very common reason to seek couples therapy. If you and your partner are having trouble staying on the same page and communicating in a way that is effective and compassionate, then couples therapy could help you improve your communication and become closer.

If someone cheated

Couples therapy after infidelity is an important part of healing and coming together after an infidelity. Both parties will have feelings that would be best aired and explored in a safe environment, and couples therapy can help you two get back on track and heal from past hurts.

If you are trying to decide whether to stay together or not

Exploring the future of your relationship in couples therapy can be helpful for both partners to understand what they are really wanting out of the relationship and how to best move forward. A collaborative approach to this sort of problem in couples therapy can help you and your partner make a wise decision together.

If you want to work on your intimacy

If you are feeling distant from your partner and you are having trouble feeling connected and intimate with each other, coming together in couples therapy can help you two explore your feelings and find a way to be closer with each other. Whether you are talking about sexual intimacy or just feeling close with each other, exploring intimacy issues in couples therapy can help you get back on the right track.

When individual therapy might be right for you:

When there is violence in the relationship

If you and your partner’s fights are escalating to a physical level, or they have in the past, couples therapy is probably not the best option for you. When things have escalated to the level of physical violence, then it’s important that you explore these issues separately in individual therapy. Getting regulated and finding ways to stop the cycle of violence are an important prerequisite to coming together as a couple to try to work things out. Its especially important here that the offending partner seeks therapy to work on anger management and impulse control issues if they are present.

When you really just want your partner to go to therapy

If you are exploring doing couples therapy as a way to get a reluctant partner to open up about their issues, then it’s probably best to have them go to their own individual therapy first to work on their problems. Sometimes starting a personal therapy process can be daunting, and you might think that doing it with your partner present would be easier. If the main goal though is to have one individual work on their issues, that is best done in individual therapy rather than couples work.

If there is serial cheating

Unlike with a single incident of infidelity, if you or your partner has engaged in serial cheating, or has impulse control issues around sex, then its probably best for the offending partner to attend individual therapy rather than try to unpack the problem in couples work. When there is serial cheating, it generally points to a problem with an individual, rather than with the relationship. Exploring impulse control issues, sex addiction, and commitment phobia is best done in the context of individual work.

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If you are going through difficult times and are needing support for yourself or your relationship, you can reach out for support. Pacific Psychotherapy offers couples therapy in Santa Cruz and online anywhere in California. Reach out today with any questions or to schedule a free and confidential 20 minute consultation.